the story of a train station:
disclaimer,
im crying as i write this.

scene 1.
the clock enters, hand in hand with the conductor.
the conductor asks,
does she own her mind?
no, the clock replies, time does. and time sits still, waiting for more energy.
the conductor asks,
is time not passing?
no, the clock replies, hope is. and time is watching, unable to join her.
the conductor asks,
can she own her mind?
no, the clock replies, she cannot. and she will never. she is gone.

scene 2.
the mother sits on a bench. the brother rests on her legs. the father paces.
the mother whispers,
look. the roses are blooming.
the brother laughs, but he is not laughing at her.
earbuds in, he is hidden from the world.
the father yells,
what have you done? what have you done?
the mother cries,
we have ruined her. she is gone.

i wake inside the house, tears streaming down my face.
it was a dream.
it was a dream.

scene 3.
i enter the train station steadily. whispers follow my footsteps.
the gift shop whispers to the mice,
she left! what drama! what fun!
the mice scurry off to the guards.
from inside the tightly pressed suits, the mice hear two things over and over.
poor girl. poor poor girl.
the friends spot the mice and say,
we knew it, didn’t we? she was insane.
the passengers simply stare. they have things of their own to worry about.

i sit on a bench.
the whispers do not stop.
i start shaking.
stop! yells the clock. stop, do you hear me?
these are her final moments, don’t you see? can’t you give peace?
i whirl.
i ask,
what do you mean? please, tell me what you mean?
the conductor pulls the clock back.
nothing, she says. darling, you must be happy. you are happy.
her voice is soothing, but not enough.
the bell sounds.
the train enters the station from the right.
i run to the doors.
they will not open.

scene 4.
all fades to black.
i hear sirens.
ghosts surround me.
so this.
this is the afterlife.

scene 5.
she was a darling, wasn’t she? asks the clock.
everyone agrees.
the family enters.
the conductor sighs.
come, says the conductor. your station is this way.
their train is to the left.

i stay up, talking to the moon.
imagine my surprise on days the moon follows me into life.
i reach out, and fill my life with mindless plans,
waiting for my time.
waiting for my time.

in the daytime i wave to friend after friend.
i am with someone and
we laugh at how many people i know.
at night I break down because of loneliness and
I laugh at the irony.

the only sound i hear is the phantom of a melody.
imagine this, and maybe you’ll understand:
you are walking on a path along the harbor.
on the waves, far off, you can see a boat, lights strung up,
and sweet sounds of laughter and music drift toward you.

you can feel the invitation in your bones.

you keep walking.
day turns to night.
you open your eyes.

you are (i am) lying in bed, one earbud in,
so you (i) turn up the volume
and pretend.
tears aren’t sliding down your face.

i stay up, talking to the moon.
laughing
and crying
all by myself.
i watch as my hand lifts up on its own to touch the snow.
i melt, it melts,
unable to stay frozen.
i wrap myself in grief.

i think ill stay in tonight.

sasskingpotter:

are you a jily lives wlw or a jily died wlw?

charluspotters-moved:

i just really feel as though i need a fresh start, and i want to feel happy on tumblr instead of feeling the need to do “work” (edits/large queues etc), so moving to @sasskingpotter made it easier to revamp and feel better abt the kind of content i want to have. i moved all of my creations and started up a manageable queue and followed all of my closest mutuals, so im proud of myself :-)

feel free to follow if you want, and please signal boost! ill reblog this occasionally, but ill see y’all around. thanks sm <3

i know.

i know, that so often at night it feels ugly. clawing at your throat, tears threatening to fall, fires burning up your thoughts.

the night breaks you, and tears at you until you blink and see stars.

night is a reflection of that total darkness. the sleeplessness has you tossing and turning and its like a river churning up your emotions and

sometimes its so much that it takes effort to slip away into sleep

they have a word for it.

its called insomnia.

but from one message to a messenger i tell you that when you are starting to heal here’s how you will know.

the night will be different.

yes, i know.

i know, that most days you still threaten to tip over, unable to rid yourself of demons until early morning arrives, battling the illness with no strength but the drops you have left.

but some nights you get so used to it that it starts to feel beautiful.  

than when you stay up, and you turn to your phone to start that nightly ritual of i cant sleep so why try at all, and then you put it down for the routine attempts to sleep peacefully, the night will surround you like a blanket. no longer a monster but an old friend. no longer a terror but a pet curled up at your side. a companion to loneliness.

and i know (how i know) how easy it is to confuse this with a dull acceptance of your harm. that staying up is just a habit, you should do it, its a part of you, nothing to be done.

its just that for a reveur i only remember my dreams when im awake. when at night i can let go of other things and just stare into the darkness. that after a long cry if i smile the sky twinkles back. no longer an enemy, but a passing dream as if i can drink the night for an antidote to my pain. and one day i might heal enough and every night could be my one last time and soon i will be done and ill move on but for now

oh for now

for now i can take this and wrap it around my body and feel like a queen for now.

charluspotters:

Hi everyone! I’ve decided to go on hiatus until it nears the end of August. This decision was made because I’m trying to be more productive (and am applying for an internship, practicing for a debate tournament, volunteering, and a ton of other projects and priorities that take up my time). Unfortunately, Tumblr doesn’t really fit into my schedule right now, so I’ve expected this for awhile. Thank you all so much, though- many of y’all are amazing and great friends.

I’ll still come on here occasionally- to work on POC!Potter Week, talk, and finish my Tumblr Awards. @ mutuals- feel free to message me and ask for my kik if you want me to actually reply XD ^.^ 

I’ll talk again soon <3