:

I’m a crêpe. I’m a weirdough.

judiejodia:

I’m at the bookstore. I’m at the museum gift shop. I’m at the combination bookstore and museum gift shop

badjokesbyjeff:

Why was Pavlov’s hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

cheesymovie:

oh yeah the russian revolution, or the tsar wars, as i like to

You sent this when I was having a bad day and my phone was being a hoe and oh my god. Thank you. This means a lot. And is a high quality pun. 💕💕💕💕

tormoody:

chumimiin:

demonic possession is just hacking someones irl account 

whats your soulcial security number

chefpyro:

gearholder:

chefpyro:

charlesoberonn:

Weird how engraving someone’s name on a dagger signifies that dagger’s owner, but engraving it on a bullet signifies the bullet’s intended target.

This conundrum is easily solved with my patented Dagger Gun

Crossbow

Blocked

This day eclipses all others.

karkaroff:

To bike you really gotta gear up.

Or perhaps I spoke too soon…wheel you bike with me so we can see?

diaryofpikachu:

mabunnie:

writing-prompt-s:

You have many of the abilities of a Disney princess. You can talk to animals, people burst into song around you, and it seems every other day a “Prince Charming” type falls madly in love with you. As one of the most feared mafia enforcers in New York, it’s tough, but you make it work.

“How did you know?!” He squeals, on his knees and shaking.

Your finger tightens on the trigger.

“A little birdie told me.”

^This person wins the internet 😂

I think the Olympics are a golden opportunity to make medal puns

To bike you really gotta gear up.